The Mommy Winter Olympics


By: Loretta Casteen

The First Annual Mommy Winter Olympics were held recently in beautiful Domestic Falls, New Jersey. This year’s competition included both indoor and outdoor events.

Lets take a look at the winners in each category:

One-handed Triathlon—The champion in this category was Maria Immanuel of Spain. Maria was unbeatable in this event as she cooked a three-course meal, hung a picture, and then shoveled the driveway, while balancing a baby on her hip.

Tissue-Chase Challenge—Debbie Danforth of The United States left the other competitors behind as she scrambled over the jungle gym, dived under bleachers and scooted down slides two sizes smaller than her derrière in order to wipe the nose of her three-year-old son–once.

Who-Touched-the-Thermostat Inquisition—Another American winner was Melinda Edwards. Melinda was able to calmly and precisely explain to her pre-teen son the efficiency and energy cost benefits of closing the front door over bumping the heater up to 97 degrees when he gets cold.

Snow-person Attire Rescue—Inga Swenson of Norway won the top honor here. Inga noticed her children had dressed the snow-woman in the front yard in her red and black lace see-through nightie–before the neighbors did. In addition to reclaiming her lingerie, Inga also took a little extra time to render the well-endowed snow person “gender neutral.”

Bathroom-Puddle Skating—Raisa Slotskavia of Belarus wowed the judges with her amazing Windmill Triple-Toe-Loop-Slip, narrowly avoiding a one-point landing by clutching the shower curtain. Raisa’s vigorous rendition of The Clean Up Watutsi, executed with a bath towel underfoot, also impressed fans and judges alike.

Snow-Day-Diversion Marathon—In a timed competition, Louise Chaffey of Canada invented, improvised and implemented no less than 37 fun, educational and imaginative indoor and outdoor entertainments for her snow-bound brood. Louise was clearly the winner as the plaintive cry of “M-o-o-o-o-o-o-m-m-m-m! I’m b-o-o-o-o-o-r-e-d!” rang through the house only once every 17.251. seconds.

Cold-Medicine Dispensing—With scientific precision, the winner, Liesel Schuler of Germany, correctly dosed every member of her family with a variety of elixirs designed to cure everything from a cough with sniffles to sniffles with a cough. There was one moment of confusion when she nearly gave her husband the dog’s worm pill. She quickly corrected her mistake however and swapped it with an aspirin, but there was a half-moment there when she considered letting him take it anyway.

Snow-Suit Wrestling—In another timed event, Kameko Higo of Japan repeatedly dressed and undressed her four-year-old daughter in warm winter type clothing no less than 13 times in a 20-minute period. The schedule was as follows:
Dressed. Played outside 4 minutes. Got bored. Came inside. Undressed. Watched 2 minutes of cartoons. Dressed. Had to go potty. Undressed. Dressed. Played outside 2.5 minutes. Fell down. Came inside crying. Undressed. Dressed. Played outside 4 minutes—repeat cycle.

Closing ceremonies included the unveiling of a Mommy Winter Olympics ice sculpture. The statue depicts a half-dressed woman chasing a school bus, holding a lunch box and winter coat in her outstretched arms.

Join us again next year where, amid the snow-capped peaks of The Laundry Mountains, moms from around the globe will gather to swap birth stories, compare stretch marks and take part in the most rewarding and challenging sporting events on earth— raising children.

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: New (old) Humor Posts « Claiming Creativity

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