Adjustment


handwriting

The writer’s group I am privileged to be a part of meets every Wednesday night. The core group of five women (others visit on occasion and all are welcome) are the epitome of encouragement. They encourage me not in a “let’s blow smoke and applaud every little thing everyone does” kind of way, but by sharing their experiences as writers, artists and human beings moving through life without all the answers.

While we do a lot of talking, we also always make time for writing at our meetings. We do ten-minute writes on whatever subject the hostess (or whoever volunteers to come up with something) chooses. Sometimes we write about quotes or objects. Once we wrote about objects pulled from a bag one by one, attempting to tie them all together in some way (This has been one of my favorite exercises so far). We’ve written about old photographs, art, phrases and sometimes a single word, like adjustment.

I often think that some of the best, most honest and freest writing I do is with this group, where being fearless has also come up in discussion. So, I have decided to make an adjustment and try share my writing as fearlessly as I do my art. I really, really don’t care what anyone thinks of my visual artwork. It’s mine. I make it. I enjoy it. If you don’t like it, don’t look at it. That’s the philosophy I’m trying to adopt with my writing.

In that spirit, below is last night’s ten-minute write on adjustment, with no editing except for punctuation. Deep breath. Go…

Adjustment

     Make an adjustment. Try and adjust. Only clichés come out. Adjustment–go to the chiropractor and get one.

     Where does adjustment fit in? Adjustment. There are plenty of things that need adjusting in my life, but the question is knowing what to adjust and how much. When does adjustment become “out of whack?” Then it devolves into readjustment and amendments and editing. Readjust the readjustment.

     My problem is and always has been that I’m too open to adjustment–changeable, unsure, willing to try almost anything and then becoming paralyzed by having too many options.

     Adjustment. Does that mean setting this aright? But couldn’t it also mean setting something askew when it may have been right in the first place?

     Adjustments. I’m being vague because I know so much can be adjusted: attitudes, feelings, actions, commitments, intentions. Everything is subject to it, but not everything benefits from it.

     Ah, there’s the core of things: change. Not. A. Fan.

     Adjustment. Standing in front of something and wondering if it is good enough. Is it worth amending or should it just be abandoned?

     Adjustment. Take it; leave it alone; fix it; wreck it; ruin it; make it perfect? Never.

     Adjustment: waivering back and forth. Adjustment: wondering if anything can ever be fixed enough. Adjusting to a new idea, a new reality, a new perspective, a new belief system, a new life…

Adjustment. Nope. Still. Not. A. Fan

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